You Know You Married a Frugal Prepper If…

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Prepper Outreach Contest Submission #5:

Top 10: You Know You Married a Frugal Prepper If…

10.) Your wife scours neighbor’s refuse, dumpsters, and roadsides (sometimes roads) the night before garbage pick-up day.  She even gives the stink-eye to like-minded people who are out trash-picking and is known to come home from a run early to grab the car and bring some unnecessary thing home.

9.) Your wife has decided that the basement (in our present and first home) need not house exercise equipment, shop tools, or “man cave”-like materials.  Instead we need to house dehydrated food and large barrels of water.  Nothing exciting down there, folks.

8.) Wifey buys RV toilet tablets–when you don’t own an RV!  (“to disintegrate the waste in our makeshift toilet…just in case…”)

7.) Piggybacking on number 8, when whatever explanation for a newfound contraption around the house is prefaced with a “just in case.” (yes, we have two back-up charcoal bbq’s, even though we own a gas bbq.  and two small and extra freezer chests.  “just in case…“)

6.)  Your wife won’t pay for cable.  But she’s obsessed with “Doomsday Preppers” and waits and waits until a kind soul posts it on Youtube for her to devour and re-watch, taking notes all the while.  The conversation start-ups afterward are not for the faint of heart. (Including fish antibiotics, self-defense, former military transportation, electromagnetic pulse (still not sure what that is), owning/fishing/eating tilapia fish, and lots of guns and ammo).

5.) Same said wife will dicker over a 34-cent charge difference with Comcast but will take on a part-time job to afford some food storage for our family of four.

4.) Instead of wanting a wedding band for our 5-year anniversary (which she never got when we first married) she keeps asking for a solar oven, tazer gun, more dehydrated food, solar panels (ouch!–pricey), “off-the-grid” living.

3.) Wife insists on planning evacuation routes by foot, bike and trailer (our kids are 3 and 1), car, lawn mower (yes, really), in case something really bad happens in our peaceful suburbia.

2.) Time is spent on preparing “bug-out” bags for our family instead of Friday night movie night.

and the number

1.) Wife now sizes up our geriatric neighbors to see what sort of threat they might be to us in her many and varied “just in case” scenarios.

J.L. IL

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