My uneasiness started with a movie most people would remember called "The Matrix." I have to say, that movie scared the heck out of me, still today I consider it the scariest movie I have ever seen. It started me thinking, "what if our world really is not what it appears to be?" I started looking at our government differently after that. I had always trusted my government for the most part but that movie awoke my inner voice.  I shut it up for a while, my life was going great. Both my husband and myself were employed at good paying jobs as electrical engineers and our careers were doing great. We owned our home, had money in the bank, had brand new cars that were paid for, all of our hard work  and years of saving was finally paying off. Then things began to change, first there was 9/11. I remember going to work late that morning so I could watch it on tv, calling my husband to tell him that the twin towers had fallen and they were grounding all the airplanes. I knew who had done it, Osama Bin Laden, he had been threatening to do something for at least a year or two that I knew of. When I finally arrived at work that day, all my coworkers were gathered around computers watching the horrible day unfold. I didn't know it then but nothing would ever be the same. The orders for my parts that were selling like gangbusters slowed down to a trickle and within a year my job was gone. Shortly after I was laid off my husband came home with bad news-his job was being terminated and he had two weeks left. My secure world was secure no more. There were a lot of people in the same situation so the local real estate market was soft, we couldn't find jobs and had to move out of state. We sold the house below market value and moved across country when my husband found a job and started all over again.

For the next few years, things went relatively well, we found a house that needed love on a few acres and we settled in. Once in a while the voice would speak up but I wouldn't listen to it. I was not able to find a job in my field so I worked on the house and property fixing it up and enjoying my time off. That is until the voice became louder and louder. I don't know exactly when it happened, it was toward the end of President Bush's 2nd term. Things just didn't seem right and a few times I had what felt like panic attacks but for no reason. I have never had a panic attack before or since that particular time. I was concerned about coming food shortages and started looking at ways to become more self-sufficient. I hadn't had a garden in years, I planted one in our poor sandy soil, it didn't do well.  I read where chicken poop was a great fertilizer and fresh eggs would be a good thing to have so I researched how to raise chickens, converted an old shed to a chicken coop and bought 12 baby chicks. I lost a few due to my stupidity and my dogs but somehow most of them survived to adulthood. I planted the garden again the next year, this time mixing in some seasoned chicken poop that I had cleaned out of their shed, it did a little better. I planted pear, apple, and peach trees. Discovered wild grapes, huckleberries, and a persimmon tree on the property. A neighbor moved in next door with horses-discovered how wonderful horse poop is for growing tomatoes!

A thing called the tea party started, I went to a few rallies, I discovered other people heard the loud voice in their head too, I wasn't alone but I was still pretty shy about talking to my friends about what I felt was coming. My husband lost his job, I started sending out resumes. It took over a year for me to find a job but finally found one as a secretary, it is low pay but we have insurance. My husband finally found a job too and said I could quit if I wanted-the voice said no way, I was never going to be without a job again.

With money finally coming in and memories of unemployment still fresh in my mind, I started stocking up on extra cans, pasta, fruit jars, oil, flour, wheat, etc.  Eventually I ordered water filters, bought flashlights, batteries, matches, bought a camp stove, extra propane, candles, extra cat and dog food.  Soon, my pantry was overflowing, I converted an extra bedroom to storage of food adding wire shelves to hold the ever growing supply. People say that you feel better when you are stocked up but I kept looking at the racks overflowing with the food that was going to be wasted when nothing happened and I was wrong. I thought "why do I always have to do this?" but I just couldn't stop it, I wondered if I was going crazy!  Then prices started going up at our local stores. Coffee almost doubled but I had at least 12 cans of it in the pantry so it wasn't hard on us. Same with sugar, I had at least 100 lbs-it was at this point that I thought maybe this voice telling me to stock up wasn't so wrong.

I bought the foodsaver on a fluke while it was on sale thinking I probably wouldn't use it much, when I read that you could seal mason jars I was so excited! I bought cases of canning jars and stored rice, beans, flour, nuts, chocolate, even cookies-anything I could think of that would always go stale before I could finish it. Now, like others on this site, I use it all the time. Started reading the internet blogs and one of them mentioned how great a site called "Preparedness Pro! was! After reading a few of the blogs I was hooked, I signed up for the emails! It has helped me immensely. The Church of Latter Day Saints (LDS.org) became my best friend after moths got into my dried food supply and I had to throw a lot of things away. LDS has a limited selection but reasonable prices and the flour/beans/wheat come in sealed #10 cans that are bug proof and heavy mylar bags at a good price! I also bought some food grade buckets from Lowes to protect some of the remaining grains.

Next was trying some of the newfangled freeze dried items. I had avoided them in the past because of their increased cost, but I was running out of room. I ordered a few items and loved them! Even my husband who won't eat a piece of fresh fruit loved the freeze dried pineapple. It is more expensive than what you buy in the store but it lasts for up to 20 years and takes much less space! Started keeping inventory so I would know what I had and where I had it! We built an extra storage building that I am filling with toilet paper, paper towels, and water storage, unfortunately, it is too hot here in the summer for food storage there. Bought a small and a large pressure cooker, I tried canning chicken and hamburger. Made some mistakes but it is edible and when I can afford some more meat I am going to do it again! I bought a crock and fermented my first batch of saurkraut-other than the 2 hours of chopping and bruising the cabbage to get the juice out found out it is very easy and tastes much better than the stuff you buy. When my cucumbers come in this summer I will make pickles. I bought a sprouter kit to sprout seeds-will be trying that shortly! Bought a few more pear trees, 2 small fig trees, grape vines, planted more asparagus and will be trying a plum tree for the first time-can you tell I love fruit!

As for the voice is still there but it doesn't scare me like it used to and it doesn't give me that panic attack feeling anymore. I think God gave all of us the warning voice if you just listen for it. I think it is the same voice that back in Catholic grade school the nuns used to call our conscience. I don't know why it is loud in some people and quiet in others.  I have started talking to a few people at work, just telling them to buy a few extra cans when they go shopping, have a case of water, etc. They humor me for the most part but I don't think they believe me. Everyone always says "if something happens, we'll just come to your house". Sometimes I would like to shake them and tell them to "turn off that damn tv, I don't care what the Jersey Shore crowd is doing, look at what is happening to our country, we are running out of time!" Why can't they hear the voice too?

I still have a lot more to do. I have been looking at raising tilapia fish and using the water for hydroponic gardening in a greenhouse, maybe that is next. I am just happy that I am not alone, my husband isn't 100% on board but is getting better. He yelled at me the other day when yet another bucket of freeze dried food arrived. I was mad at first, couldn't he see that I was doing this for us! Later that evening, some news came on Fox that spoke about homeland security buying hollow point bullets and I calmly told him that I was sorry that he didn't like what I was doing but I was going to keep stocking up until I feel that I can trust my government again. I hope so much that I am crazy and nothing happens. The only good thing that I feel has come from all of this is that I am finding my way back to God. It has been a long time since I have talked to him other than to ask for favors and I think he is waking us to help others get through whatever hardships are coming. We will all need each other, please help others, we are the watchmen.

A. K.

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